Christmas is over and I slept for 10 hours last night, it wasn’t good sleep though because I kept waking up and remembering that I’m a miserable person. I might need a therapist. I wasn’t really that hungry today, I don’t know why; maybe I’m eating too much. I know I’m eating way less than before I was on a diet and I know it’s way healthier, but normally when I’m dieting I feel like I’m starving to death (that’s how I know it’s working). I guess I should weigh myself, but I don’t really feel like it right now. I should be hungrier because I didn’t eat anything last night for like 6 hours before I went to bed. I’m going to try to overanalyze myself and treat like a symptom of something being horribly wrong with me.
Today we watched a bunch of television and a movie, the Lincoln lawyer (meh, it was what you’d expect from a lawyer flick). I had a mini Archer season 2 marathon by myself because Charlotte hates that show (which she should because it is very inappropriate for fine Christian individuals such as ourselves, it’s so funny though).
I’ve been having these anxiety attacks, mostly at night when I’m lying in bed with my thoughts. They started about a month or so ago (around thanksgiving), weeks before I decided to quit taking the fluoxetine (so that’s not the reason). I’ll be lying in bed trying to fall asleep and my chest will get tight, I’ll have trouble breathing, and my heart will race. I’ll start taking deep breathes to try to calm myself down and they will eventually go away (after about 5-10 minutes). I don’t know what is causing this but I have a pretty good idea it’s money related. We’re poor by choice; it’s just not been an easy choice. We don’t have to put our daughter in a private school, but we want to (and by we I mean my mom and wife). I don’t know why I hate the school so much but it’s not my daughters fault so it’s probably best if I stay out of that decision until I figure out what my problem is (I think one problem is that the administration lied to me. I was told, in a fairly stern phone call, that if I have any problems with the school I should take them up with the administration directly and not voice them openly on the interwebs. I did this with an email that was never responded to other than being told by them that they received it and the response was coming. That was 2 months ago, I’m still waiting. [None of this has anything to do with my health]) As far as the money thing goes we could probably cancel the satellite, although we are under a two year contract and I don’t know how much cancelling a contract costs, but I’m sure it’s not cheap. Same with the cell phones, but how do you live without a cell phone; we don’t have a land line. We’ve cut way back on groceries, we don’t eat out anymore, and we didn’t buy any Christmas presents for anyone but the kids and that was not even as much as we have in the past. I don’t see how we could save any more money, but I’m sure I’m overlooking something, do we need gas? I guess we shouldn’t have gotten a car payment, but we needed a car.
Anyways, the whole point of that was to talk about the anxiety attacks that are freaking me out, maybe the anxiety is why I’m not hungry. That would make it a good thing, right?
P.S. Here’s what I ate on Day 15:
Lunch: a ball of mozzarella cheese (not a good idea) and a weird chocolate bar with fiber and no sugar in it (I’m going to see the nutritionist on Friday, I’ll ask her if that is okay)
Dinner: Hamburger patties w/ tomato sauce, mozz. Cheese, and olives. Steamed broccoli w/ olive oil and garlic salt
P.P.S. please ignore all of the whining that you read preceding this