Christmas is over and I slept for 10 hours last night, it
wasn’t good sleep though because I kept waking up and remembering that I’m a
miserable person. I might need a
therapist. I wasn’t really that hungry
today, I don’t know why; maybe I’m eating too much. I know I’m eating way less than before I was
on a diet and I know it’s way healthier, but normally when I’m dieting I feel
like I’m starving to death (that’s how I know it’s working). I guess I should weigh myself, but I don’t
really feel like it right now. I should
be hungrier because I didn’t eat anything last night for like 6 hours before I
went to bed. I’m going to try to
overanalyze myself and treat like a symptom of something being horribly wrong
with me.
Today we watched a bunch of television and a movie, the Lincoln
lawyer (meh, it was what you’d expect from a lawyer flick). I had a mini Archer season 2 marathon by myself
because Charlotte hates that show (which she should because it is very inappropriate
for fine Christian individuals such as ourselves, it’s so funny though).
I’ve been having these anxiety attacks, mostly at night
when I’m lying in bed with my thoughts.
They started about a month or so ago (around thanksgiving), weeks before
I decided to quit taking the fluoxetine (so that’s not the reason). I’ll be lying in bed trying to fall asleep
and my chest will get tight, I’ll have trouble breathing, and my heart will
race. I’ll start taking deep breathes to
try to calm myself down and they will eventually go away (after about 5-10
minutes). I don’t know what is causing
this but I have a pretty good idea it’s money related. We’re poor by choice; it’s just not been an
easy choice. We don’t have to put our
daughter in a private school, but we want to (and by we I mean my mom and
wife). I don’t know why I hate the
school so much but it’s not my daughters fault so it’s probably best if I stay
out of that decision until I figure out what my problem is (I think one problem
is that the administration lied to me. I
was told, in a fairly stern phone call, that if I have any problems with the
school I should take them up with the administration directly and not voice
them openly on the interwebs. I did this
with an email that was never responded to other than being told by them that
they received it and the response was coming.
That was 2 months ago, I’m still waiting. [None of this has anything to
do with my health]) As far as the money
thing goes we could probably cancel the satellite, although we are under a two
year contract and I don’t know how much cancelling a contract costs, but I’m
sure it’s not cheap. Same with the cell
phones, but how do you live without a cell phone; we don’t have a land
line. We’ve cut way back on groceries,
we don’t eat out anymore, and we didn’t buy any Christmas presents for anyone
but the kids and that was not even as much as we have in the past. I don’t see how we could save any more money,
but I’m sure I’m overlooking something, do we need gas? I guess we shouldn’t have gotten a car
payment, but we needed a car.
Anyways, the whole point of that was to talk about the
anxiety attacks that are freaking me out, maybe the anxiety is why I’m not
hungry. That would make it a good thing,
right?
Eric Anderson
P.S. Here’s what I ate
on Day 15:
Breakfast: same
Lunch: a ball of mozzarella
cheese (not a good idea) and a weird chocolate bar with fiber and no sugar in
it (I’m going to see the nutritionist on Friday, I’ll ask her if that is okay)
Dinner: Hamburger
patties w/ tomato sauce, mozz. Cheese, and olives. Steamed broccoli w/ olive oil and garlic salt
P.P.S. please ignore all of
the whining that you read preceding this
"Do not be anxious about anything" The Message says "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Phil 4:6-7 I know it is easier said than done. When I find myself being anxious I remind myself and God what His word says. I declare that "I choose to trust Him". That "He is my provider". That "He feeds the birds of the air" and "I am more valuable to Him than they are". Peace comes once I've done that. When the anxious comes again I start all over again. Hope that helps.
ReplyDeleteThe issue with the school...if you've not gotten a response and it's been two months, you should contact them again. It's possible that it was forgotten about or buried somewhere (not that I'm trying to make an excuse). We are all human and make mistakes, forget things ...we're not perfect.